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Ride was added to the mantra after Gavin and James introduced me to the Ride to Conquer Cancer. Despite being a latecomer, Ride was an entirely appropriate addition. After reading this, I hope you will understand why Ride fits.
Ride was taken in June 2008. Four years ago. I look at that picture and it tastes like yesterday. I think it always will.
Ride of course requires a context.
Baird and Finn loved their little cars. Baird had a white and yellow one. Finn’s was primarily yellow with blue wheels. I can’t remember how Baird’s became Bairds or how Finn’s became Finns. They would switch from time to time, but never for very long. They loved riding those cars in the kitchen and when time and weather permitted down our driveway, or better yet down our cul de sac.
For those of you who don’t know, we live on a dead end street down a pretty good incline. Baird and Finn would muscle their cars up the hill (they knew where they had to stop) and then come whipping down the hill. They both loved it. Speed and control. A wonderful mix for little kids.
When or if you think about Ride, consider the following. Ten days before I took the picture, Finn was in the hospital undergoing a colostomy. A relatively major surgery. Not the most major one Finn endured, but a big deal for a boy who had just turned three nine days earlier.
By that point in time, Finn’s primary tumour had grown to the point that it was making bowel movements very difficult for him . The colostomy was a palliative procedure designed to give Finn pain relief and more quality time. Because of the nature of the procedure, Finn wasn’t allowed to eat for several days after. Boy did he get mad at me when I wouldn’t give him food. Real mad. And Finn could hold a grudge. And he did for a while. But Ride is not about that.
Finn was discharged from the hospital five days later. June 15th. Father’s day. My last one with him here. We had a deck building party going on in the back but Finn spent most of his time inside. Not ready for riding yet. It took a couple days, but he loved his yellow car and he got back to it. Out on the new deck. Doing 180s and gliding backwards. Tire changes and fill-ups from Uncle Mike and cousin Brady. It’s good to be alive. It’s good to ride.
June 20th was a Friday. Ride was taken the evening of June 20th on the cul de sac. Baird and Finn out for a rip. Sarah and Lily on their bikes. Daddy on his belly (bigger then), taking pictures.
Take a look at the picture. Look for the pee bag. Tucked in behind. Just like always. A thing to be dealt with. If you look closely to the side of Finn’s body facing the camera, you might be able to see his colostomy bag. His poo bag. A thing to be dealt with, maybe even adding some speed to the downhill. Finn’s feet are in motion, hands firmly on the wheel. Concentrating. Time to get back up the hill. You can’t go down until you get back up. A beautiful boy in motion. As things should be. I love that picture.
There is another thing you need to know about Ride. As far as Sam and I can remember, June 20, 2008 was the last time Finn ever sat on his little yellow car. The tumour wouldn’t stop. And Finn couldn’t sit anymore. It hurt too much. No more car seat. No more yellow car. No more sitting.
But the story of Ride doesn’t stop there because Finn didn’t stop there. July 2008 was a hard month. Palliative radiation. Introduction to pain medications. Chasing pain. The end of July bought a respite of sorts. Spokane. A new treatment. A treatment that made a difference. A palliative treatment that gave us August. Our magic month.
And in that month Finn came back to his yellow car. And he tried to sit, but the treatment didn’t give him that much back. It gave a lot, but not that much. So Sam spoke to Finn. And Finn listened. And he got up and Finn stood behind that little yellow car, and he grabbed the blue handle at the back of the car and round the kitchen he went. Hands on handle, yellow car spinning around the kitchen, just like it always did. Finn rode again. In his own way and as circumstances allowed. In that month of magic, he rode.
We Ride because we can and because Finn can’t. We Ride because we can and because others we have loved can’t. We Ride to change that in other futures.
But the photograph Ride and the story of Ride also inform how we Ride. Sometimes Riding is about doing what you can in the circumstances. For Finn that eventually meant getting in behind that little yellow car. For some of us, that will mean getting off the bike and walking it up that hill.
Ultimately, Ride is about doing. About being. About life, about living.
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