Finn: Smile

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More context, Finn was 26 months old. At the time, carrying Finn to surgery was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had no idea then how much harder it was going to get.

Finn was on the operating table a long time and the surgery went very well, all things considered. Afterwards, he was admitted to intensive care and observed over the next day.

Which brings us to August 8, 2007. Sarah’s fifth birthday party. A bit before her birthday, but we were headed for Boston before the end of the month and the eighth just worked. In retrospect, the timing for a birthday party seems crazy, but one does what one has to do. Sarah has always loved her birthday and so we worked to make it work.

And maybe there is a reason for that. Was a reason for that. Because that birthday is important to Smile. Made Smile possible. And in the end, doing the crazy for the right reasons led to an opportunity. An opportunity to capture a moment in time. An opportunity to capture time in a moment. It led to Smile.

At her birthday, Sarah received an awesome mechanical bubble machine. And on Friday August 10, 2010 the bubble machine came to Children’s hospital.

So there is your context. And with that context, I invite you to look at the picture. Look at smile. The first thing, the overwhelming thing is the smile. What I like to call a full face smile. I love that smile. The sheer incredible joy of it. The complete lost in the moment innocence of it.

Then you see the bubbles. Surrounded by them. Reaching for them.

And if you look closer at the picture, you can start to see some of the context. Finn is in a hospital bed. There is a larger bandage on his abdomen where they made the incision. Surprisingly, you can’t see any of the various bags (I believe there were four).

Smile is of course about smiling. Smiling when you can, because you can.

Smile is also about strength and courage. And in this is the pride I referred to above. Finn means warrior, and Finn was aptly named. Smile, in context, captures that. Three days from that surgery, still nowhere close to walking. Two days after coming out of the intensive care unit. Finn was strong. Finn was courage. Finn was a warrior. And while I have commented on this before and will comment on it again, Finn did not his battle or any battle. He lived, he loved, he smiled and he died, but he did not lose.

Smile is also about family and the strength that comes from that. As part of the series of pictures from that day is a picture of Finn’s cousin, godmother, friend and our fellow Finnster blowing bubbles to Finn. Blayne came from Saskatchewan to be here before the surgery and after. She came because cousins gotta stick together. Family.

Sarah came with her birthday present. To share it with Finn. Family.

And Baird, well this requires me to tell you another story, but it is a story worth telling. On August 7, 2007, Sam and I spent the day at the hospital and Baird and Sarah spent the day with Gampy, Diane and Blayne.

When they got home at lunch time Gampy, Diane and Blayne tried to put Baird down for his nap. Baird was a good napper and used to go down without a fight. Not that day. When they attempted to put Baird down, Baird would roll over, look at Finn’s crib, say Finn and start wailing. Baird didn’t have a nap.

I got home around 7:00 the night of the surgery and Baird was quite excited to see me but insisted that I put my shoes back on. Baird also got my keys for me and directed me back outside. At first I thought Baird just wanted to go for a drive and I decided to humour him. As I got in the van it started to dawn on me that maybe Baird wanted a little more than a drive. At the last second Sarah jumped in the van and Sarah, Baird and I went for a drive. My suspicions about what Baird wanted were confirmed when I pulled back onto Mill Street after our short drive and Baird started calling “Finn, Finn, Finn”. Clearly, Baird wanted me to take him to see Finn.

So I went back home, got proper supplies, picked up Gloria and Blayne (who were very eager to see Finn) and we were on our way. I explained to Sarah that if Baird fell asleep (and I fully expected he would in light of the fact that he had had no nap) that we would have to turn around and go home (and would not be going to the hospital). Baird didn’t show any signs of tiredness until we got about three blocks from the hospital and at that stage Sarah, Gloria and Blayne made sure Baird didn’t fall asleep.

While Finn was sleeping when we arrived and didn’t know Baird or Sarah were there, I was very glad we made the trip. It was good for Baird and Sarah to see Finn in the intensive care unit. Sarah wanted to know what each tube (and there are a lot of them) was for and I think it helped put her mind at ease as she had been asking a lot of questions about surgery at the time. Baird was content with seeing Finn and didn’t fight at all when Sam took him back out of the intensive care unit.

While Baird’s story is not embedded in the Smile picture, it is part of the broader context for me and is something I often think about when I look at Smile. Stare at Smile. And thinking about that, makes me Smile. I look forward to telling Baird this story. Hopeful that my voice does not catch too much as Baird deserves to know the story and to hear it from me. Like I said, Smile is about family.

And for those of you new to Team Finn, this team is all about smiling. Living the moment. Reaching for bubbles. Finding the smiles in a wet, cold ride. Smiling despite cut chins. Smiling because of cut chins. Finding the joy in a remarkable Finn-ish. Finding the joy in a celebration of a boy. The celebration of a boy who knew how to celebrate. Capturing the moments and living them. Smiles are important. Smiles do not eliminate tears or sadness, but when the bubbles are blowing they do lift a heavy heart. So thank you for the smiles. I am looking forward to more.

Finn's Mantra:    Run  |  Jump  |  Bounce  |  Dance  |  Sing  |  Love  |  Smile  |  Ride

Finn's Committee Contents

• Finn's Committee

• About Team Finn

• About Finn

• Finn's Mantra

• Why Pink

• Finnspiration Smiles Fund

• PJs with a Purpose